Suddenly I am on the market for a new job. Could you remind me about
some of the "Annetiquette" for interviews?
When I talk with chief-chiefs of major-major corporations about
joining my extremely expensive Partners in Fabulousness program,
I know they will have just one question: How could we live
would take more than generally accepted accounting principles to
detract from my flair for making each individual corporate officer
believe that of all the stars in my firmament, he or she shines
the brightest. I just wear my Cazal sunglasses to the meeting so
my prospective clients can admire themselves in the reflection,
and before long even the most curmudgeonly executive is signing
the contract and scheduling foosball playdates with my dog Dickie.
yourself as the lead in your own career movie, one that has others
leaving the theatre humming "You made me love you" and not "It was
just one of those things." You already know to arrive on time in
your best costume having bathed. Here are other tips.
your teeth before getting out of the car, and be sure your hair
is consistent. That's what illuminated vanity mirrors are for.
on your best behavior within a mile of company property. Inevitably
your interviewer's confidant will be nearby as your briefcase upends,
toilet paper attaches to your shoe, or you attend to an embarrassing
itch. Ladies, carry a spare pair of hose.
leave anything behind unless for strategic reasons. A "forgotten"
glove can give you an excuse to catch a few words of the all-important
meeting-after-the-meeting, if you must know. I have People
to snoop for me.
you've turned off your cell phone and introduced yourself gracefully
to the company receptionist, whose name you will remember, you're
ready to triumph in the face-to-face portion. Let your future manager
find you reviewing the design sensibility of an annual report in
the waiting area.
the warm-up, stick to pleasant topics. Lingering illnesses, how-did-you-get-your-scar
stories, and natural disasters, however fascinating, will make you
stand out for unintended reasons.
People always prepare a brief written Agenda for me to carry to
any meeting. This marvelous prop makes me seem organized.
your confident improvisations, reassure the interviewer that you
haven't confused this gig with a quiz show. Claim a little more
than half the airtime - you are, after all, the talent. Listen as
if fascinated to what the interviewer says the rest of the time.
Surprisingly many candidates look as if they'd rather be anywhere
in advance whether you'd be comfortable working for a company that
would lock you in a room for half an hour to gauge your reaction.
To my liking, these rooms generally have just the right acoustic
to vocalize and practice a few ballads in front of the one-way mirror.
Hiring managers who have been prisoners of war are especially fond
of ending an interview with a few rounds of, "Guess what we're screening
for this time" followed by a luncheon of linguine puttanesca
with a side salad of half-acre lettuce leaves.
personality typing and Method acting well enough to fake being decisive
yet change-friendly is one way to prepare for these trials. Another
is, never let them see you eat. If they ask how many golf balls
you could fit in a 747, counter with your own hypothetical, such
as how many consultants it would take to fill Lake Erie.
the way: as far as your hiring public is concerned, your previous
employer was simply fabulous.
the interview by agreeing on the next step, which you then can cite
in the thank-you note you mail that evening, having said goodbye
to the receptionist by name on your way out.