Job Interview For Dads

by Staff - Original publish date: January 18, 2012

Thinking About Becoming a Dad? See If You Could Make It Through The Interview Process

What if every potential dad had to go through a job interview? Can you imagine talking with the recruiter and hearing about the grueling work, long hours and (lack of) compensation that accompanies parenthood? Here, we imagine it going something like this:

RECRUITER: “So, you’re here for the father position right?”

DAD: “That’s right sir. But I have to admit I’m a little confused by the classified ad. It just says ‘self-starter and jack of all trades required.’ Can you be a little more specific about what this position entails?”

RECRUITER: “Hmmm, where to begin? Well, maybe it would be better if you asked specific questions.”

DAD: “OK. First of all, what are the hours like? Is this a 9 to 5 kind of thing?”

RECRUITER: “Well, I’ll be honest. The hours for this particular job can add up pretty quick. Mainly because you work around the clock.”

DAD: “I’m sorry, did you say around the clock?”

RECRUITER: “That’s right. It’s a 24/7 position. Even if you’re asleep in the middle of the night, it doesn’t matter. You show up when you’re needed, no questions asked.”

DAD: “Um, ok. So how does that affect my vacation time?”

RECRUITER: “Ah yes. Vacation. Well, the good news is you still get some vacation. Two weeks to be exact.”

DAD: “Phew. OK, now we’re talking. I’ve had a trip to Vegas all planned out in my head for a while and ---”

RECRUITER: “You can stop right there. You see technically you get vacation, but it’s not really the same kind of vacation you’ve gotten used to. In fact, your time away from work will actually be more stressful than your regular work week. And forget Vegas, think more along the lines of Disney World. Or your local playground.”

DAD: “Wow. So can you describe my work environment?”

RECRUITER: “Well, you’ll definitely need to be a multi-tasker. In this job you’ll never do just one thing at a time ever again. There’s also a large amount of housekeeping duties you’ll be tasked with.Laundry, dirty dishes, mopping the floor and then some more laundry. You’ll also be required to lift increasingly heavy bundles, and you must possess a valid driver’s license because you’ll basically be achauffeur in your ‘spare time.’”

DAD: “Yikes. Anything else I should know?”

RECRUITER: “You’ll also need to be a handyman because it will be your responsibility to fix just about everything that gets broken. Not to mention you’ll need a fair amount of medical expertise as well. Oh, and I’d like for you to have some experience in the paranormal, because you’ll be tasked with chasing away ghosts and monsters.”

DAD: “The paranormal? Medical training?? Anything else?”

RECRUITER: “Actually yes. Have you ever worked with hazardous materials? Because I should warn you now you can’t do this job with a weak stomach. It’s pretty much a given you’ll be dealing with waste management issues on an ongoing basis.”

DAD: “You’re kidding me.”

RECRUITER: “Nope. You do all this work and put in countless hours of overtime. You’re never off the clock and even if you manage to get away for a few hours, your mind never leaves the job. You’re a nurse, a chauffeur, a disciplinarian, a teacher, a cleaner, a cook and a repairman and you do it all with endless patience and an unbreakable sense of humor. And you’ll have this never-ending job for the rest of your life.”

DAD: “Is that it?”

RECRUITER: “Nope. You also work for free.”

DAD: “Why the heck would anyone ever take this job?”

RECRUITER: “Picture the cutest little boy or girl you’ve ever seen in your life, eyes wide with excitement, saying ‘Da-Da’ for the first time while grinning toothlessly from ear to ear.”

DAD: “Ok, Ok. Sign me up.”

Want to find out what you (or your dad) should be making? Plug your current or desired job into our Dad Salary Wizard and find out what you’re worth!